So the new job is in full swing and I will go ahead and blame it for the lack of intended frequency of posts. It is creating significant additional stress at the moment but I am confident that things will improve over the coming weeks. Grad school picks up again next week however, so hopefully the two things put together won't prove too dangerous.

Despite some other less heartening overheard remarks, I had a nice dinner with co-workers this evening that included a gay guy (other than me) who is very much an accepted part of the group. It was nice to see their reactions to him. Hopefully I will one day enjoy the same.

I hope everyone's new year is off to a good start.

Happy New Year!

I cannot for the life of me believe that in less than 28 hours it will be 2010. I'm not at all sure how that managed to happen.

In the past, I've posted New Year's resolutions here with the hopes that actually sharing the resolutions might cause me to be more likely to stick to them. Turns out that plan was pretty useless and so I'll opt to not bore you with things I'm hardly likely to stick to for more than a month.

In other news, I currently have Glee on the TV in the background. I started out really disliking this show. And it still irks me with its overly stereotypical portrayals of all of the characters from the jock, to the cheerleaders, to the student who uses the wheelchair, to the obligatory gay kid. Yet, somehow, it has grown on me. I don't think the music is all that good, but it's not bad. And, I have to admit, Finn, the football player isn't so bad to look at.

I hope everyone has an excellent New Year's holiday and a great start to 2010.

It's Thursday...sort of...

So tomorrow is my last working day this week.  It will be nice to have a few days off to really enjoy the upcoming Christmas holiday.

After posting for the first time in forever last week, I got to thinking about why I've decided to come back here, and why now.  I think it's because some of the same issues and topics I discussed and covered a couple of years ago when I began this project have again re-surfaced, though at a new level.  With that in mind, I think the primary reason I'm looking for somewhere to post my thoughts is because I've begun to think about coming out again.  I think many people believe coming out to be a one time event: as if it's something you can do once, and never have to address again.  Coming out however, seems to be more of a process.  It can take place over a short or long period of time and may occur once or many times over the course of one's life. 

As some of you who have read here in the past might know, and as others may have guessed from the title, I am not totally in (or out) of the closet.  I was completely out at college when I graduated.  I am out to close friends and to my immediate, and some extended, family.  I am out to one person at work.  I am not completely in or out at school.  I think some people know and some do not.  It doesn't really come up as I only spend time there once a week. 

I have decided that the time might be right for me to move towards fully being out.  I cannot explain to others why this is so important to me but I have reached somewhat of a breaking point.  The stress and frustration of not being able to fully share my life with others has been too much over too long.  While I think there are areas of my life (EMS) for example that will be more difficult for me to do this in, there are others (work and school) where I do not think it would be much of a factor or may even be a strength.  I hope that this blog will serve as a jumping off point then; a place to share thoughts, frustrations, feelings, progress, and all of the exciting, scary, and confusing aspects of this process.

I am not sure if I will post again before the holiday.  If I do not, I wish all of my readers the very best Christmas imaginable.

Back? Maybe?

Hi all,

So I'd be suprised if anyone is still visiting here.  My apologies to anyone who was attached that felt abandoned.  It was not my intention to ditch this project, it just sort of happened.  I think perhaps as things changed in life, this blog was no longer serving the purpose it started with.  In any case, I'm feeling some need to come back to it now.  I can't quite explain why, but here I am.  I'm lucky I even remember the password as it's apparently been well over a year...

If anyone has found themselves back here who might have been reading in the past, I'll give you some updates.

The job: I'm now in a high level management position at my agency.  Not sure how that happened, but hey, if they offer to pay you more to do something, it's hard to say no, even if you're not quite sure (or at all sure) you're qualified.

School: I'm now halfway done with my masters degree.  It's a very credity heavy counseling program, but a good program and I am largely enjoying it, though not always the work that come with it.

Love life: Dating a guy since early this past summer.

Gay life: Still mostly in the closet here.  Out to good friends and one member of my EMS agency and one co-worker.  Unfortuantely I am not out at work or in general within the EMS world.  At school, it seems to be a bit of a mixed bag.  I don't really talk about it but I don't exactly hide it either.  I think perhaps this is the reason I'm back.  I would really like to change this and am slowly making plans to do so.  Do I smell a 2010 New Year's resolution...?  Time will tell...

And now a link to something you might all enjoy at one of my favorite blogs...
http://gayguystraightguy.blogspot.com/2009/12/straight-guy-this-is-great-get-people.html

Summer!

So I just got back from a nice weekend at the family beach house. I've always been a beach bum and I'm always a happier and more relaxed person when I'm there. An added bonus of course, is that there tend to be plenty of hot guys with an excuse to walk around with no shirt (as well as a few who should never be excused from wearing a shirt, but hey, can't win 'em all). It was a really nice weekend spent with various immediate and extended family members and on a beach that was 10-20 degrees cooler than my home just an hour and a half away.

Work continues to go pretty well. I had a decently successful week this past week and hope it continues this coming week. Grad school is just about 5-6 weeks away, which is going to creep up really quickly.

It feels like the one part of my life that just won't get it's act together like the rest...the love life. Unfortunately, I'm not seeing that turning around anytime soon, but hey, I can hope right?

Things I'm in Love with this Week

So my two obsessions this week, Viva La Vida and Men's Diving.

I've always been an on and off Coldplay fan but I love their new song, Viva La Vida. I've listened to parts of the rest of the new album and it just hasn't (at least not yet) clicked with me. That one song however, I've been listening to non-stop.

As for Men's Diving, what's not to love. I've always been a swimmer, so I will enjoy being able to see that on TV this summer. I've always loved watching diving though. Today's trials did not disappoint. My favorite at the moment happens to be Chris Colwill. Aside from looking pretty damn good in a speedo, he did a dive with a 3.9 difficulty rating today, making him only the second American to do that in international competition. He also openly discusses the fact that he has a disability (he's deaf and has 60% hearing loss). I think we'll be seeing more great stuff from him in the next few months.

I Got In!!

So it's official, I'm going to grad school. I found out over the weekend that I was accepted to the Masters program I applied to. I start in September. It's going to be a few years of hell since I will still be working and doing everything else I do, but it will be worth it.

In other news, in case anyone hasn't seen, Australian diver Matthew Mitcham, who will be in the upcoming summer Olympics has just recently come out. The great part, is that he looks like this...

The even better part is that we'll be seeing a lot of him wearing only that...