tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29190100392838475442024-02-19T11:17:51.097-05:00Half Out (of my mind?)The ramblings of an mid 20s, half out of the closet, volunteer EMT.NYEMSWhackerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13925038029542072234noreply@blogger.comBlogger76125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-87568227677598158312010-01-07T20:32:00.002-05:002010-01-07T20:38:02.869-05:00So the new job is in full swing and I will go ahead and blame it for the lack of intended frequency of posts. It is creating significant additional stress at the moment but I am confident that things will improve over the coming weeks. Grad school picks up again next week however, so hopefully the two things put together won't prove too dangerous.<br /><br />Despite some other less heartening overheard remarks, I had a nice dinner with co-workers this evening that included a gay guy (other than me) who is very much an accepted part of the group. It was nice to see their reactions to him. Hopefully I will one day enjoy the same.<br /><br />I hope everyone's new year is off to a good start.NYEMSWhackerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13925038029542072234noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-29577067924966906362009-12-30T20:08:00.002-05:002009-12-30T20:39:12.680-05:00Happy New Year!I cannot for the life of me believe that in less than 28 hours it will be 2010. I'm not at all sure how that managed to happen.<br /><br />In the past, I've posted New Year's resolutions here with the hopes that actually sharing the resolutions might cause me to be more likely to stick to them. Turns out that plan was pretty useless and so I'll opt to not bore you with things I'm hardly likely to stick to for more than a month.<br /><br />In other news, I currently have Glee on the TV in the background. I started out really disliking this show. And it still irks me with its overly stereotypical portrayals of all of the characters from the jock, to the cheerleaders, to the student who uses the wheelchair, to the obligatory gay kid. Yet, somehow, it has grown on me. I don't think the music is all that good, but it's not bad. And, I have to admit, Finn, the football player isn't so bad to look at.<br /><br />I hope everyone has an excellent New Year's holiday and a great start to 2010.NYEMSWhackerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13925038029542072234noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-64370712702379457192009-12-21T21:53:00.000-05:002009-12-21T21:53:37.030-05:00It's Thursday...sort of...So tomorrow is my last working day this week. It will be nice to have a few days off to really enjoy the upcoming Christmas holiday.<br />
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After posting for the first time in forever last week, I got to thinking about why I've decided to come back here, and why now. I think it's because some of the same issues and topics I discussed and covered a couple of years ago when I began this project have again re-surfaced, though at a new level. With that in mind, I think the primary reason I'm looking for somewhere to post my thoughts is because I've begun to think about coming out again. I think many people believe coming out to be a one time event: as if it's something you can do once, and never have to address again. Coming out however, seems to be more of a process. It can take place over a short or long period of time and may occur once or many times over the course of one's life. <br />
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As some of you who have read here in the past might know, and as others may have guessed from the title, I am not totally in (or out) of the closet. I was completely out at college when I graduated. I am out to close friends and to my immediate, and some extended, family. I am out to one person at work. I am not completely in or out at school. I think some people know and some do not. It doesn't really come up as I only spend time there once a week. <br />
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I have decided that the time might be right for me to move towards fully being out. I cannot explain to others why this is so important to me but I have reached somewhat of a breaking point. The stress and frustration of not being able to fully share my life with others has been too much over too long. While I think there are areas of my life (EMS) for example that will be more difficult for me to do this in, there are others (work and school) where I do not think it would be much of a factor or may even be a strength. I hope that this blog will serve as a jumping off point then; a place to share thoughts, frustrations, feelings, progress, and all of the exciting, scary, and confusing aspects of this process.<br />
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I am not sure if I will post again before the holiday. If I do not, I wish all of my readers the very best Christmas imaginable.traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-70763754202830602672009-12-15T21:49:00.001-05:002009-12-15T21:50:37.423-05:00Back? Maybe?Hi all,<br />
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So I'd be suprised if anyone is still visiting here. My apologies to anyone who was attached that felt abandoned. It was not my intention to ditch this project, it just sort of happened. I think perhaps as things changed in life, this blog was no longer serving the purpose it started with. In any case, I'm feeling some need to come back to it now. I can't quite explain why, but here I am. I'm lucky I even remember the password as it's apparently been well over a year...<br />
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If anyone has found themselves back here who might have been reading in the past, I'll give you some updates.<br />
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The job: I'm now in a high level management position at my agency. Not sure how that happened, but hey, if they offer to pay you more to do something, it's hard to say no, even if you're not quite sure (or at all sure) you're qualified.<br />
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School: I'm now halfway done with my masters degree. It's a very credity heavy counseling program, but a good program and I am largely enjoying it, though not always the work that come with it.<br />
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Love life: Dating a guy since early this past summer.<br />
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Gay life: Still mostly in the closet here. Out to good friends and one member of my EMS agency and one co-worker. Unfortuantely I am not out at work or in general within the EMS world. At school, it seems to be a bit of a mixed bag. I don't really talk about it but I don't exactly hide it either. I think perhaps this is the reason I'm back. I would really like to change this and am slowly making plans to do so. Do I smell a 2010 New Year's resolution...? Time will tell...<br />
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And now a link to something you might all enjoy at one of my favorite blogs...<br />
<a href="http://gayguystraightguy.blogspot.com/2009/12/straight-guy-this-is-great-get-people.html">http://gayguystraightguy.blogspot.com/2009/12/straight-guy-this-is-great-get-people.html</a>traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-66813104592354470812008-07-20T21:05:00.003-04:002008-07-20T21:13:00.445-04:00Summer!So I just got back from a nice weekend at the family beach house. I've always been a beach bum and I'm always a happier and more relaxed person when I'm there. An added bonus of course, is that there tend to be plenty of hot guys with an excuse to walk around with no shirt (as well as a few who should never be excused from wearing a shirt, but hey, can't win 'em all). It was a really nice weekend spent with various immediate and extended family members and on a beach that was 10-20 degrees cooler than my home just an hour and a half away.<br /><br />Work continues to go pretty well. I had a decently successful week this past week and hope it continues this coming week. Grad school is just about 5-6 weeks away, which is going to creep up really quickly.<br /><br />It feels like the one part of my life that just won't get it's act together like the rest...the love life. Unfortunately, I'm not seeing that turning around anytime soon, but hey, I can hope right?traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-63470534084445438742008-06-21T21:41:00.004-04:002008-06-21T21:53:11.867-04:00Things I'm in Love with this WeekSo my two obsessions this week, Viva La Vida and Men's Diving.<br /><br />I've always been an on and off Coldplay fan but I love their new song, Viva La Vida. I've listened to parts of the rest of the new album and it just hasn't (at least not yet) clicked with me. That one song however, I've been listening to non-stop.<br /><br />As for Men's Diving, what's not to love. I've always been a swimmer, so I will enjoy being able to see that on TV this summer. I've always loved watching diving though. Today's trials did not disappoint. My favorite at the moment happens to be Chris Colwill. Aside from looking pretty damn good in a speedo, he did a dive with a 3.9 difficulty rating today, making him only the second American to do that in international competition. He also openly discusses the fact that he has a disability (he's deaf and has 60% hearing loss). I think we'll be seeing more great stuff from him in the next few months.traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-39441446268850382872008-06-02T22:15:00.004-04:002008-12-11T12:54:25.555-05:00I Got In!!So it's official, I'm going to grad school. I found out over the weekend that I was accepted to the Masters program I applied to. I start in September. It's going to be a few years of hell since I will still be working and doing everything else I do, but it will be worth it.<br /><br />In other news, in case anyone hasn't seen, Australian diver Matthew Mitcham, who will be in the upcoming summer Olympics has just recently come out. The great part, is that he looks like this...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2qQAQAGxjoHa6ddU2jPlwaMNxKEKTMj4CGEbx1kYqBj_7JD0j4s78vGv5bNGbEsZArbDumlJzPBA3a6oj3pAXbbC82uB4-KnV74uvadhLm5mnnA2JDIbhNy8pZXAAnezG0oW7wS2f_Rk/s1600-h/Matthew+Mitcham.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2qQAQAGxjoHa6ddU2jPlwaMNxKEKTMj4CGEbx1kYqBj_7JD0j4s78vGv5bNGbEsZArbDumlJzPBA3a6oj3pAXbbC82uB4-KnV74uvadhLm5mnnA2JDIbhNy8pZXAAnezG0oW7wS2f_Rk/s400/Matthew+Mitcham.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5207474215017738290" border="0" /></a>The even better part is that we'll be seeing a lot of him wearing only that...traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-37572301643098844492008-05-25T22:42:00.002-04:002008-05-25T23:05:27.178-04:00Memorial DayIt's hard to believe it's Memorial Day yet again. And yet again, I am struck by how Memorial Day falls at such a hopeful time of year. The weather is getting warmer and we're seeing more of the sun. Things are starting to turn green again. There is a sort of hopeful and joyous feel to the season. I think this is really what Memorial Day should be about. We remember those who have died during or after serving this nation and others. Despite a falling housing market and rising food and gas prices, we still live in one of the greatest nations on this planet. We ought to remember those who have sacrificed for us and be hopeful for the future they have fought for.<br /><br />As an EMS officer on a fire department, I also ask that in addition to the brave men and women we honor who wore military uniforms, that we remember those who serve in fire and EMS departments and who have given their lives for others. So far this year, there have been five line of duty EMS deaths as well as forty-eight firefighter line of duty deaths including that of Raymond Barrett Sr. here in my own state of NJ.traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-38639112335557784392008-05-18T23:11:00.003-04:002008-05-18T23:27:47.286-04:00Sometimes people suck, but a lot of the time they don'tSo in the past week, I have had to deal with an unusual number of people that suck. There was the person that did something terrible to one of my clients. There was the person who sent me a nasty email for doing my job. There was the person who sent a friend a nasty email for something completely petty while they were dealing with the loss of a family member (and yes, I let the nasty email sender on that one have it good).<br /><br />But, I am reminded as I type this, that it is the people who do lousy things that we preoccupy ourselves with, but for each of those people, there was at least one who did something, perhaps unexpected, that was done solely to make things better for someone else. There was the co-worker who surprised me with a completely silly little gift on Friday. There was the group that went to the wake for my above friend's family member, even though none of us knew the person who had passed nor any of the friend's other family members. There were the folks who offered encouragement as I went to interview for grad school this past week (oh yeah, that happened too). There was the co-worker who really stuck his neck out to help one of my clients and my boss who backed him up when he needed it. So as I type this, I am doing my best to push out of mind those people who failed to show respect and decency in favor of recognizing those who did the little things that made my week just a little bit better.NYEMSWhackerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13925038029542072234noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-35636741630936071442008-05-07T22:05:00.003-04:002008-05-07T22:16:19.273-04:00Sketchy?So what do folks think? Is it sketchy to make introductions to someone you've never met via social networking sites, particularly those that cater to those looking to find significant others, hookups, etc.? I <span style="font-style: italic;">have </span>communicated with a few of my readers here via AIM. For some reason, I don't find that odd. They have read all about my life, and contacting me on AIM seems a perfectly logical connection. I'm not sure why that seems so perfectly normal to me. What I'm wondering about are sites like MySpace, Gay.com, etc. If you see a guy on a site like that and you think they'd be interesting based on their profile, is it OK to contact them? I think even more than that, would you consider it a "normal" thing to do? Would it be sketchy? I suppose that if they have put this information on the site and indicate that they are looking for something in particular, ie. relationship, hookup, friends, etc. that they must be ok with hearing from people? For some reason, I've never found it something I'm terribly comfortable with. I just feel like there's such room for misrepresentation. Perhaps, for better or worse, I just don't trust people, especially folks I have not met through someone I know or that I have never met personally. For those of you now wondering, no need to go back to former posts. My AIM screen name is traumajunkie1046. <br /><br />In other news, life is so busy at work and I have so much going on with my clients, that my boss has basically given me access to two of my co-workers since I haven't quite mastered being in three or four places at once. It's mostly good stuff, but man, I never pictured being this busy.traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-81671020963717409902008-04-30T22:22:00.002-04:002008-04-30T22:29:26.564-04:00And the App is Done!As of today, all of the required materials have been submitted to the grad school I'm applying to. Both of the folks I asked for letters of recommendation have mailed in the letters. That leaves only an interview to schedule. It's seems weird that I'm actually applying for grad school. It wasn't very long ago that grad school seemed like a far off goal. If I don't get in, it of course could remain a far off goal, but hopefully that won't be the case. <br /><br />Work continues to be busier than I ever could have imagined. But, I'd rather be busy than sitting around wondering what I should do next. And given the current economy, I'll consider myself damn lucky to be working somewhere that's busy.traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-950407665395957152008-04-26T23:40:00.008-04:002008-04-27T00:12:53.500-04:00Calculating Risk...But first a little history...<br />A little over two years ago I came out to my immediate (and some extended) family as well as all of my good friends. Over a period of months, I gradually came out on my campus. Overall, with very rare exception, I found folks to be extremely accepting and to be happy for me. I found a boyfriend and was in many ways living the life I had long thought was impossible.<br /><br />After graduation last year, I moved back to the town I grew up in. I currently have my own apartment in that town. The big problem? I'm not out to anyone here except my family. One of the reasons for this is my volunteer work as an EMT. The police/fire/EMS community is like a frat or a football team in many ways. And to be honest, neither frats nor football teams are groups high on my list of those I'd like to have to come out to. Homophobic language is something I face on a daily basis. The word "gay" is the most frequent "insult" used by these groups.<br /><br />So on to calculating risk...<br />One of my interests aside from actual emergency response as an EMT is emergency management and planning. I've been finding myself, for better or worse, applying principles from this field to the significantly more personal matter of coming out. One of the interesting topics in planning for disasters is that of probabilistic versus <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">possibilistic</span> planning. Probabilistic planning is planning for those things most statistically likely to occur. Given where I live in the northeast, preparing for thunderstorms, snow events, and hurricanes off the coast makes good sense statistically. Preparing for tornadoes and earthquakes would not. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Possibilistic</span> planning involves, to the extent that one is able, preparing in such a way that you can respond to any kind of event and realizing that relying on a handful of specific scenarios is not the safest bet. I personally advocate for using both. It makes good sense to prepare for the events most likely to occur but to have a plan that can be adapted for the things you never could have thought of or wouldn't expect.<br /><br />So that's enough of that. Applying that to my current situation. I have, and continue to, toy with the idea of coming out here. The probabilistic part of my brain tells me that this will likely be <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">OK</span>. It went well for me at school. Most people I know will react well. The probability is that I will survive and will likely be better off for it in the future. Then the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">possibilistic</span> part of my brain jumps in and starts coming up with horrible potentialities. My life could become hell as an EMT. People might stop respecting me as a lieutenant. People might verbally harass me. People could physically harass me. I might suddenly stop getting promotions or not be <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">recommended</span> for renewal of my current officer position. All of these things are possibilities.<br /><br />So I don't know what the answer is. I do have a question for both both my gay and straight readers. Part of what scares me is that a lot of the people I associate with on a regular basis make frequent comments in which they call others gay, or fags, and any other number of things that aren't particularly pleasant for me to listen to. Do people do this out of ignorance or because they actually intend it to be mean to a certain population? I've always hated phrases like, "That's so gay" or "That's retarded." I have a hunch that these things aren't necessarily intended by most folks who use them to be anything more than expressions they've adopted. But still, I'm never quite sure. What do you folks think? If you're someone who has come out, did you have folks around you who would (or continue) to say things like that? What has your experience been?<br />If you're a straight individual, do you use phrases like that? What do you actually mean by them?traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-49072331026513977222008-04-23T22:08:00.008-04:002008-04-23T22:42:34.484-04:00Hello AgainSo an interesting thing has happened. In the last few weeks, the number of folks visiting this blog has skyrocketed, as has the number of comments received. I have absolutely no good explanation for it, but it has motivated me to post here for the first time in awhile. I kind of let the blog go as I sort of felt like I had said much of what I needed to and as I became increasingly busy with work and EMTing.<br /><br />But due to popular demand, here I am.<br /><br />So, some updates on life.<br /><br />The job is going very well. It's very crazy and busy, but I like what I'm doing. While I'm always tired at the end of the day, it's usually a rewarding tired.<br /><br />I'm still single and still in the closet to most folks here. I miss being out the way I was at college, though I haven't quite decided how or if to come out here.<br /><br />I'm applying to graduate school in the field that I'm currently working in. I have several friends graduating college this year who are panicking about what they're going to do. I've been trying to tell them that if you know exactly what you want to do when you're in high school or even college, you might be selling yourself short. You haven't had real time to explore. I didn't discover the field I'm in currently until after I graduated and started working and now I'm in the middle of applying to graduate school in the field. I feel very very fortunate that things have worked out the way they have.<br /><br />I'm still renting my own apartment. It's so nice to go home to your own place at the end of the day.<br /><br />I'm still EMTing and am now a lieutenant (in case I hadn't already sold my soul to the EMS gods and the gods of never being allowed to sleep).<br /><br />I also remain active with the church I've been attending. I've taken up singing in one of the choirs. The music background helps, as does singing with folks who are way better than me and who I can really learn from.<br /><br />I'm going to do my best to stay motivated to post here. The comments that have come in have had a lot to do with me coming back, so if I see that folks are continuing to read, I'll try to continue to post.<br /><br />Thank you to all who have commented. It's much appreciated. Due to a reader who rather correctly pointed out that the text is blending in with Zac, I have attempted to change the text to a better color, but after several tries, I can't seem to find anything that works real well.traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-8599730196316129282007-12-25T21:39:00.000-05:002007-12-25T21:51:40.317-05:00Merry Christmas!First off, a very Merry Christmas to all of my readers. I hope you've been off enjoying the holiday with family and friends.<br /><br />While I have no intention to rant about it, because I'm sure enough other people already have. I really wish that Christmas was more relaxing and felt more like, well... Christmas. While I certainly think that time with family is important, I really wish that the time leading up to Christmas, and the holiday itself, were more relaxing, contemplative, and about what they're supposed to be about. I could go on all day about that, but I won't.<br /><br />Instead, I will mention the part of Christmas that made me the happiest. Last evening I went to Christmas Eve mass at the Episcopal church that I am now very much a part of. I have never been to a more amazing Christmas service in my life. The church is an impressive piece of architecture and parts of it date to the late 1820s. It was "greened" for Christmas and looked absolutely amazing. Aside from that, the service was very high church and the attention to detail really came through. As always, the music was amazing. It made me happy to have some part of the holiday feel like it was just right. In addition to that, I should mention that I was an acolyte for the Sunday service the day before. I'm finally getting pretty involved in the church and am looking forward to being a part of things the way I was in the various Catholic churches I had been active in. <br /><br />What's amazing to me, is that it was last Christmas eve that I went to mass and decided afterwards that I was through with the Catholic Church. It has now been a year since that decision and I never could have anticipated how much things would change in that time. In fact, it was mere months ago that I was blogging here about my serious confusion about Christianity and even about the existence of God. I am very grateful to the church I now find myself in for having made a real effort to get to know me and support me at a time when I needed it most. <br /><br />A thank-you to all of my readers who offered input, support, or just read. You all helped in some way.<br /><br />A very Merry Christmas to everyone again.traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-48787731536597220692007-12-19T18:59:00.000-05:002007-12-19T19:10:32.234-05:00My Very, Ridiculously, Crazy LifeHi everyone!<br /><br />Thank you to those of you who have been checking the blog over the last month or so.<br /><br />So where have I been?<br /><br />Well, I just moved into my own apartment. Until yesterday or today, this had been taking over my life. I'm now living on my own and have the apartment pretty much set up, at least enough to be living here. I have to admit, I'm pretty excited about it. Living at home had been becoming rather stressful and it felt like I'd gone back to high school. After living away from home for four years in college, I really needed to be out on my own, doing my own thing, when and I how I want to do it.<br /><br />Work is also insanely busy. In order to add to that, I just got appointed to a commitee there that deals with safety issues. Gee, they put the guy whose an EMT and CPR Instructor on that?...didn't see that coming...<br /><br />I'm also now playing in a local wind ensemble, which makes me happy, as I really didn't want to lose all of the work I'd put into my instrument going back to 6th grade.<br /><br />Finally, I'm starting to get pretty busy at the Episcopal church that I've made my new religious home. I had a meeting with one of the priests there that went really well and that answered a lot of my questions. I'm now starting to help out as an acolyte (I had done similar stuff in the Roman Catholic churches that I'd always been a part of). I will also likely begin to start singing in one of the choirs there beginning sometime after Christmas.<br /><br />On that note, I have a question for people, particularly anyone with a background in singing. While I've always enjoyed singing, I've never done it in any official capacity. I do have a musical background however and can play two instruments and understand music theory. I can look at sheet music and get a pretty good idea of how something should sound. I was offered a spot in a choir that meets every other week and is open to everyone that sings early church music and chant type songs. I do enjoy early church music and chant, so this is tempting. However, due to my musical background, the choir director also offered me a spot in the by audition Men's Choir. He did not make me audition for it. Any thoughts on which would be a better plan? I don't have time to do both. I could either sing with folks who are more likely to be on a similar level or I could sing with people who are decidedly better than me in hopes of it rubbing off (or at least being a good learning experience).<br /><br />Hope all of you reading are doing well at this stressful time of year. A special thank you to someone who emailed me recently at the address I had provided. It was good to hear from you and you certainly helped motivate me to do this post, something I've been meaning to do for a little while.traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-8867486713158820092007-11-13T21:48:00.000-05:002007-11-13T21:58:02.187-05:00At Long LastSo I just realized it's been a crazy long time since I posted. Definitely time for an update. <br /><br />Work is absolutely crazy. I love my job, but it definitely keeps me on my toes. It is at times stressful since everything involves actual people who need my assistance in some small or large way. I now have been transferred a full load of clients who are now entirely my responsibility. It is at times difficult to not take things home with me and to leave my clients and work at the office, but like with the patients I treat as an EMT, it is something I am learning.<br /><br />Aside from that, on the religion front, I have been weekly attending the Episcopal church that I discovered over the summer. I have also met with one of the priests there and am currently adventuring into a little reading. I've always had a head for theology and think I will really enjoy future conversations with the priest and others in the church. I am learning a fair bit as a I go, but it is occassionaly frustrating. I spent my whole life up until last winter in the Roman Catholic Church where I was extremely involved and knew so much. I now want to know as much in the Episcopal Church, but it will take some time to get there. I am fortunate in that I have a very strong Christian theological background which is helping significantly. I also look forward to becoming more involved in the parish.<br /><br />More to come soon.NYEMSWhackerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13925038029542072234noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-52737272295696048722007-10-27T21:04:00.000-04:002007-10-27T22:52:25.213-04:00They Have to be Out ThereOk, so my blog is often a way for me to get some ideas out there for me and possibly other people to think about. I always really enjoy receiving comments and feedback, but I don't often specifically ask questions. I actually wish I was better at that like fellow blogger <a href="http://gayjay.blogspot.com/">Jay</a> who always leaves something to think about and respond to. <br /><br />In this case, I'd love to hear from people because I'm a bit at a loss. Since moving home from college, I've been missing the social aspect of college a lot. Not many of my friends from high school are back in the area and most of my friends from college live an hour to two thirds of the way across the country from here. Some actually don't live in this country at all at the moment. So needless to say, I'm missing having a solid social circle. More than that, I'm missing having other gay guys to hang out with. So my question is, as a single gay guy, how do I find other gay folks to hang out with? What do other people do? I live in a suburban area so I don't have a corner gay club to go to- not that I would want to go to one alone. While I can be as easily amused as the next guy by gay.com or MySpace, I generally find that method of meeting people to be a little creepy. Does it work for other people though? Is my best bet to try and find some kind of gay social or political group? How do you, especially those of you not in school, find other gay guys.<br /><br />My other little rant. I wish life was easy enough that I and all other gay guys could be "out." I'm tired of meeting or knowing other guys that make my gaydar go haywire but who are not out or don't know I'm gay or some combination. Case in point. I know a really good guy who graduated from my high school a couple of years ahead of me and now works there. He's a great guy and not bad to look at either. And he's definitely gay. It would be great to have the facts out in the open even for friendship purposes. But, of course, no such luck.NYEMSWhackerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13925038029542072234noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-34374142439207145362007-10-25T19:37:00.001-04:002007-10-25T19:47:52.126-04:00The Good, the Bad, and the...ok, there wasn't any ugly...yet...So today at work was the absolute perfect example of everything I love about my job and what I hate about it (which is really rather minor so far). <br /><br />The part I love...My schedule today involved a few hours of paperwork. I then visited a client before going home for lunch. I ate lunch and took a 20 minute nap at home before going straight to a worksite to visit a client. I wrapped up the day with some emailing and a staff meeting. I love the way I get to plan out my own day and don't have to spend all of my time at a desk. <br /><br />The bad part...Much of my paperwork was the result of a crisis situation in which we had to deal with an irrate client and her parents. The state is now conducting a review of both their handling and our handling of the case. I can honestly say that we did everything we were supposed to and then some on our end. From what I can tell, it also looks like the state did what they were supposed to. It's very frustrating to be a non-profit dedicated to helping people but to have to put up with those who need and request the help but do not appreciate our effort. Furthermore, we're now forced to take up valuable time that could be spent on other clients to deal with the ridiculousness.<br /><br />Oh well, such is life in social services. Overall, I still love what I'm doing and it's going very well. I'm now really starting to do work on my own and that too is proving to be a fun adventure.traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-75162757209345446502007-10-18T21:29:00.000-04:002007-10-18T21:37:00.075-04:00The Answer is NoSo my third week is going as well as the last two weeks. I'm still really enjoying the work and will start to be operating on my own more in the near future. The work is definitely very tiring, but no one said social services would be easy and it's nice to see that the work matters. <br /><br />Today I did get one of those questions I hate. A co-worker (who I really do like) asked me if there was a significant woman in my life. Not significant other, but significant woman. Now the fact is that I am single right now and so the answer is no to either question, but I wish people would leave the door open by asking if there was any special person. This is definitely not the first time I've received this question. Assuming I wanted to be out to my co-workers and did have a significant other, the only way to honestly answer would involve making them pretty uncomfortable. Well, I do have a <em>boyfriend</em>...The amusing thing is that I'm working in a social services position, a field largely dominated in my experience by women and gay men. Oh well. It'll take time I guess.traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-83535790630872217502007-10-13T20:12:00.000-04:002007-10-13T20:27:14.403-04:00Week 2So I've now finished my second week in the real world, and the most notable aspect of this, is that I'm tired. I have a sudden new found appreciation for weekends. But, while it was a tiring week, it was generally a good a week. Yesterday also happened to be the first pay day and so it has really started to feel like I've entered the working world. I'm still really exciting to be working at this particular place and my co-workers have been fantastic in helping me to learn the ropes. <br /><br />On a completely different note, I saw the movie Across the Universe last night. This is the one that's essentially a musical with Beatles songs. Two of the main characters are named Jude and Lucy, so that should give you a big clue of what at least two of the songs were. While hearing that many Beatles songs was fantastic, the movie was very strange and at many points, I am sure those involved with making it had to have been on some illicit substance(s). I don't think I'll be running to the store when it comes out on DVD, but it was interesting nonetheless.traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-67357456343223758562007-10-06T18:09:00.001-04:002007-10-07T17:59:16.046-04:00One Week DownSo as of yesterday aternoon, I have survived my first week of the real world. Not only that, but I actually enjoyed it. I'm super excited about the job and feel very lucky to have found a position that I enjoy. It actually makes the 3 1/2 or more months I spent on the job search seem worth it.<br /><br />Along with starting this new job, I have made a few other interesting discoveries.<br /><br />1) I am pretty sure that one of my co-workers is gay. I can't really ask, but the gaydar alerts like crazy.<br /><br />2) I am pretty sure that one, possibly two, of my younger <em>female </em>co-workers have an interest in me...this should be interesting...<br /><br />3) I really want to learn American Sign Language. I'm working with people with physical disabilities and one of my first clients will be a woman who is deaf. I took several years of Spanish in high school, but never got very good. I'm wondering if this might be a better fit.<br /><br />4) Money is more important to my mom than I had liked to think. My job is in social services. It is not a get rich quick scheme. But it is a job I think I'm going to love. And if I can wake up on a Monday morning and actually want to go to my job, and as an added bonus my job actually accomplishes something meaningful for people, this to me is more important than the size of the paycheck. While my pay isn't amazing, it's definitely adequate and the benefits that come with the job are very solid. My mom has made more than one remark about the job and its pay. I'm trying to nicely tell her to back off, but it's getting a little annoying. I find it ironic too, since my mom is a teacher.traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-84971589717048934352007-10-03T22:34:00.000-04:002007-10-03T22:36:47.658-04:00So I have to admit, although it's only been three days, I'm very excited about the job. I really like everyone I've met there so far. Everyone is very friendly and very dedicated as well as very willing to teach. A bonus of course, is that I actually like what I'll be doing as well. I'd love to write more, but I'm still getting used to this waking up early thing, and actually need to be asleep very shorty. My thanks to all those who have posted recently. As soon as my life becomes a little bit less hectic I promise to catch up on all of your blogs as well and leave a comment here and there.NYEMSWhackerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13925038029542072234noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-35873420897567386112007-10-01T20:07:00.000-04:002007-10-01T20:13:33.858-04:00Day OneSo I have successfully survived my first day of real-world employment. It was a whirlwind day, and I only spent about an hour in the actual office. Most of the day I was out in the field learning some of the ropes. Overall, the office is full of very nice people who seem excited to help out the new guy. It looks like it's gonna be a good deal. I can't complain about the commute either. It was also kinda cool to actually have my own desk somewhere with my own computer, key to the office, etc. It all made me feel like I'm taking on a real job.<br /><br />The slightly bad news, is that I'm still sick. The good news is that I'm feeling better today than I did yesterday, and I generally felt pretty good at work until about 3ish, when I started feeling a little bit out of it. The job is generally 8-4, so I was already pretty much through the day by that point anyway. I just need to make sure I get enough sleep tonight.<br /><br />So, day one is done, more updates to come.NYEMSWhackerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13925038029542072234noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-1736003495017299112007-09-30T18:04:00.000-04:002007-09-30T18:07:45.161-04:00AHHHH!!!!So tomorrow I start my new job. This is of course a good thing, with the exception of one minor detail. I'm sick! For whatever reason, (maybe it's tied to stress?) I always seem to get sick at really crucial moments. I got plenty of sleep today and have been taking Vitamin C like crazy and will definitely be going to bed early. Of course, I'm not going to be used to getting up at a "normal" time as it is, but tomorrow should be extra interesting with me feeling not in top shape. I'm really hoping that with all of this sleep that perhaps tomorrow won't be too terrible.<br /><br />In any case, I will post here tomorrow to let everyone know how the first day went. I am really excited about the job and hope that being sick doesn't last long so that I can hopefully enjoy things. Guess we'll have to wait and see...traumajunkie1http://www.blogger.com/profile/14014451555334688350noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919010039283847544.post-26358965931683275082007-09-26T21:11:00.000-04:002007-09-26T21:18:17.140-04:00Sorry for the DelaySorry to not have posted in almost a week. Lots has been going on and I've been crazy busy. I'm super excited to start my new job Monday but of course, that comes with trying to get alot of things done before then. I've been fairly busy on the EMT front as well.<br /><br />I promise to post after my first day of work on Monday to let everyone know what I think.<br /><br />The other big thing I'm considering at the moment, is whether to start attending a local gay group I just discovered is no more than 10 minutes away. They seem to engage in a combination of social, educational, and activist types of activities. It might be interesting, since I'm largely in the closet here, to meet some other gay people from the area. The group meets on Monday nights and they start their new year this coming Monday, the same day I start work. Something to think about anyway.NYEMSWhackerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13925038029542072234noreply@blogger.com0